Dearest Family and Friends, As most of you know, I moved out to Redding, California in August of last year in order to attend First Year at BSSM (Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry). On May… More
Last year the Lord gave me a vision… I was standing in front of a giant that was easily five times my size, if not bigger. I’m looking up, way up, at his face and he’s staring back down at me with a menacing grin on his face as if he knows I don’t stand a chance against him. Then I notice another bigger figure standing behind him, I look up above him and see the familiar face of my Daddy-God smiling down at me and I just felt so loved and safe. I wasn’t sure what the vision meant at first, though I had my initial interpretations, I now see and understand it in a new way.
As 2013 came to a close and the new year began I found myself not only feeling very apathetic, but rather defeated, like a failure. My heart was screaming out against those lies, but the apathy I was feeling kept me from doing anything about it. So I succumbed to the emotions and wallowed and thus, the old year ended with a “bleh…” and the new year began with a “meh…”, no “BOOM”s or “KA-CHOW”s here, just “blah, blah, blah”s… pretty exciting, huh? Then, today I was perusing my Facebook newsfeed, as we all do, and saw a video of Steffany Frizzell-Gretzinger where she’s sharing the story behind her song “Letting Go” that’s on Bethel’s latest album Tides and found myself in tears by the end of it. She basically opened my eyes to what my life had been for the last year and I could finally see what was going on and why I’m feeling the way I’ve been feeling lately. I spent all of last year facing down giants in my life, but even though I was facing them, I wasn’t eliminating them, which explains the defeated feeling. When I realised this, I felt the Lord say, “2013 was a year of facing your giants, now it’s time to cut their heads off and eliminate them entirely!” and then I got a flashback of that vision He’d given me earlier last year and I saw it in a new light. I found it interesting that I’d never taken note of the fact that God wasn’t standing behind me, but behind the giant and I saw that the reason for that was not only so He could look in my eyes and give me encouragement, but it was as if He was showing me that I had to slay the giants standing in front of me in order to get closer to Him. Which explains why I’ve felt farther away from Him lately, because I’ve just been staring down these giants, facing my fears, but not eliminating them. I’m realising that just as the Lord fights for us, He also wants us to fight for Him, for our relationship with Him, for intimacy with Him. When you become aware of a giant in your life, don’t just face it, eliminate it, those giants are placed there to keep you from getting closer to God and the longer we stare at them without slaying them, the farther we feel from God. 2014 is gonna be a year of slaying giants, growing closer than ever to Papa-God and finally seeing big dreams become reality!
I’m reminded of something someone told me once, when you feel far from God it’s not that you are drifting away from Him or that He is pulling away from you, He is simply beckoning you closer, deeper into Him. I see it as, when I feel far from God, it’s not that I am actually farther away from Him, it’s that my spirit is no longer satisfied with the level of closeness and is desiring to be closer to Him than ever before.
Here is the video I referenced… https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=698812933482500
All my life I imagined myself one day being a certain kind of person with a certain kind of confidence, boldness and courage. Growing up, especially during those awkward teenage years, I would envision myself and dream about the day when I would become this woman, hoping and praying that the years would go by quickly until that fateful day came. Over the years I developed a belief that I would just wake up one day and, as if someone flipped a switch in my brain overnight, suddenly be this person I always wanted to be. As unrealistic as that may be, I carried that belief over into my adult years, I found myself waiting for the moment when God would “flip the switch” in my brain from insecure, quite, shy, unsure of herself, awkward teenager to confident, bold, beautiful, authoritative, desirable, strong, full of life and passion, grown women. Recently I was thinking about all of this, how badly I just wanted to be that woman already and I was reminded of some things the Lord has been speaking to me like a broken record lately…
“You have all you need, every answer, every solution, it’s already been given to you.”
“You are everything I say you are and you DON’T NEED permission from anyone to walk in who you are!”
And almost like a big ol’ slap across my face I realized, I’m 25 freakin’ years old, what the heck am I waiting for?! The power to “flip the switch” is in my hands, always has been and God isn’t gonna do it for me. I came to this revelation the other day and what a revelation it is! I spent my whole life believing I would simply wake up one day and just be a whole new person when the truth is, I’ve always been that person! She’s just been tucked away in a box that I was afraid to even go near.
My thought is, how many others have that same belief or a similar belief? How many of us are also sitting around just waiting for someone to “flip the switch” in our brains that suddenly triggers the confidence, boldness and courage we’ve always dreamt of walking in. The truth of the matter is, we already have that confidence, boldness and courage on the inside of each of us, we just have to have the guts to step into it! It’s not going to suddenly overcome us like a wave, we have to choose to step into it and walk out in it! The choice is ours, we have to make the first move and we can’t waste our lives sitting around waiting for the moment when we “feel like it”. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of waiting for someone or something to “flip the switch”! I’m tired of standing on the sidelines, pointing to and “claiming” what God says is mine! I’m ready to drop everything, throw away every excuse, toss aside every lie that’s holding me back and GO GET WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE!
I AM who HE says I am, no lack, nothing missing! I am my Beloved’s and He is mine!
“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…”
A couple of weeks ago I was at a conference and in one of the break-out sessions the speaker, a life coach who specialized in helping people through transitions, asked for a volunteer to give a mini coaching session to. The question presented to the volunteer was “If I was a genie and could grant you one wish, what would you wish for?” Even though I wasn’t the volunteer it made me think of what I might wish for and, to be honest, I couldn’t think of one thing! Not because my life is perfect, or because I have everything figured out and have everything I need to succeed in life (according to what the world says), but because I realized in that moment that as much as the process of getting from one place in life to the next may suck and as painful and difficult as it can be, I honestly wouldn’t trade it for the world! Because in those difficult, but necessary processes in life there’s such opportunity for growth that you wouldn’t get if it were just handed to you on a silver platter like we so often wish it would be. Not only that, but in the pain and difficulty of the process you develop an appreciation for what you’re working towards that you wouldn’t get otherwise. An appreciation that makes the chances of letting it go or giving up when things get difficult again much lower, because you’re reminded of the sacrifices you made and pain you went through to get there in the first place.
When I was thinking on this one evening, I had another thought… how often do we pray, asking God for an adventure? For something exciting, something new, something to challenge us, make us better, stronger and draw us closer in relationship to Him? I remember so many times in years past talking to the Lord about wanting adventure and asking Him to bring me one, little did I know I was smack in the middle of the very thing I kept crying to Him, asking for, it just wasn’t what I “pictured”. As I was thinking about this He began to reveal to me just how adventurous these last 5+ years have been. An adventure, by definition, is: “an exciting or very unusual experience; participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises; a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome…” That pretty much describes my entire walk with the Lord, especially the last 5-6 years!
I’m reminded of a verse, one that the Lord has used many a time to speak to me in various ways…
Ephesians 3:20 (NKJV) “Now unto Him that is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think (imagine), according to the power that works in us.”
Often when this verse is referenced, it is done so in a way that speaks to the “God will do so far beyond what you could ever imagine, so much bigger, greater, more amazing…” which is 100% true! However, that also falls under the “when I asked God for an adventure I didn’t mean THIS…” category. We’ll agonize over this idea of an adventure that brings fun, excitement, danger, action, maybe a little romance, but we have such a rose-colored view of what we want it to look like that when an adventure actually presents itself or we find ourselves in the middle of one, we either run in the opposite direction or struggle to find “the easy way out”. Yet, it’s in those moments that I find myself running straight into the arms of my Daddy-God for comfort, protection and guidance. I understand that though full the outcome is often unknown, I know that my God “causes ALL things to work together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Rom 8:28) So regardless of how things may look, it HAS to work out for MY good, because HE says so and I’m reminded that this whole thing is definitely far beyond my wildest imaginings! It’s definitely the adventure of a lifetime and it just keeps getting better and better!
I’ve been thinking a lot about thankfulness lately and the importance of giving thanks daily for every blessing in your life. We always talk about finding ways to be thankful in every situation and circumstance, thanking God for the things we tend to overlook, such as a roof over our heads, food in our tummies, a car that runs and gas to keep it running, eyes that can see, ears that can hear, legs that can walk, a mouth that can speak, the list goes on and on. It’s amazing how in a moment you can go from down and depressed to happy and full of expectation just by choosing to thank the Lord for everything He HAS blessed you with. I’ve found that one of the best and quickest ways to pull myself out of a state of “woe is me” is to simply begin to thank Him for anything and everything.
As I was thinking about all of this the other day, a thought occurred to me, one that had me thinking and I wanted to share this thought. What would our situations and circumstances look like and how different would it be if we not only thanked God for the good in every situation, but what if we thanked Him for the situation itself? What if we began to thank Him for the opportunity to be in your situation? I mean, think about it, there are lessons to be learned, wisdom to be gained from every situation in life and there are some lessons that can only be learned through difficult circumstances. Not only am I saying that in every situation there’s a lesson to be learned, but in every circumstance and in the overcoming of that circumstance there is a testimony and an authority that we step into by willingly, or sometimes not so willingly, entering into a situation that might not be ideal, enduring through the difficulty and seeing the victory in that situation.
I’m in awe of Your goodness
In awe of all You’ve done
I stand amazed at Your sovereignty
At the beauty of Your grace
The intimacy I’ve come to know
The depth of Your love, so sweet
You satisfy my every need
My every desire, You fulfill
In everything, You are more than enough
You captivate my heart
Because of Your love
My spirit can soar
In all things
You are so much more
Your Spirit sustains me
You are the comfort I daily need
Because of Your Spirit
I am never without peace
I will forever find rest
In the shadow of Your wings
You are my Fortress
In Whom I find refuge
My Protection in battle
The Breath of my life
By Your Word I am complete
You are my Everything!
I board the train and take my seat by the window, the seat next to me is empty and across the aisle from me is the most beautiful little girl, no more than 11 years old. She was with her parents and 2 younger siblings, but she kept looking over at me and smiling. Before I knew it she came and sat down next to me and was telling me all about… everything. Then she started telling me about how some man had seen her once and told her parents that he wanted her and he would take care of her and give her everything she ever wanted and she would never need anything. Even though she liked the idea of never needing anything and having everything she ever wanted, she didn’t want to leave her parents and her family, she was “only a little girl” as she said. As I listened to her story my heart ached and I wished there was something I could do. As it turned out we were getting off at the same stop and as we were walking out of the train station together, she and I walking ahead with her family close behind, she turned to me with a look of hopelessness in her eyes and said “Can you help me, can you please help me? I’m afraid my mom will give me to that man and I don’t want to go.” My heart ached as I felt helpless and torn, looking into her desperate eyes it almost killed me, all I could say was “I don’t think I can…”. Turning away she mumbled the words “That’s what I was afraid of.” under her breath. Hearing those words utterly shattered my already breaking heart. Looking into her innocent eyes, I smiled, put my hands on her shoulders and said “Everything is going to be ok, don’t worry.”, praying to God that what I said was true. A look of relief swept over her face and she wrapped her little arms around my waist and squeezed me so tightly I almost couldn’t breathe as I choked back the tears that were quickly flooding my eyes. I’d never felt such love for someone I’d only just met a few hours earlier. Looking into her eyes one last time, trying not to let her see the helplessness I was feeling, I forced a smile and said goodbye, afraid I couldn’t hold in the tears a second longer. As soon as I turned to walk away, unable to hold back my tears anymore, I lost it. In that moment I had a thought, how many other precious little girls just like her are going through the same thing, there has to be a way to help, there just HAS to!
And then I woke up…
A little something I wrote just over 2 years ago, I stumbled across it the other night and thought I should share it.
I have placed a sign of authority on your forehead. I have marked you as My warrior princess. I created you for the glory of man. I need you to lift up the men in our life and claim boldness, strength and courage over their hearts. As My warrior princess you get a front row view of the battle being fought. I need your help, My daughter. It’s time to unveil your face, roll up your sleeves and claim the victory that is already yours through Me. This is not a time for fear and doubt, but a time for faith and determination. I promise it’s gonna be worth it.
Don’t be afraid of the authority given you. If you continue to hide your face and shrink back when My promises are challenged, you will never see them come to pass. Tune your heart to My voice and surrender your desires to Me daily, for there are no limits to the things I can do in and through a fully surrendered life.